Lust For Life

Let me tell you a tale, complete with pictures. You can pretend I'm a twisted George or Benita* from Play School and it's story time...

One day I found this lovely, decrepit place filled with wondrous machines and brambles and the scent of rust and rain:



Being my kind of place I decided to hang out for a while and make myself at home:



It was bloody freezing but being a resourceful kind of girl I kept temperatures high lest I succumb to hypothermia or worse still, frostbite of the fingers:



I soon found myself in the clutches of a furious orgasm. Oh, no... not that kind where the silicone blonde coos softly while pursing her lips and fluttering false lashes. The kind where one grits their teeth, throws their head back and looks to be torn between agony and ecstasy. The amazing kind. It went something like this:



And then there was this expression. I'm sure you've made it yourself a few times:



After collecting my thoughts I thanked the machine cemetery for being such a wonderful host and made my way home for tea and toast. Now, thanks to www.ifeelmyself.com, I can relive that most excellent day time and time again in a temperature controlled environment. The end.




*Benita was my fave. Just so you know.

Masturbation Mania

We've been talking about pets. Little balls of fluff running about the apartment, galloping up and down the stairs, skidding across the tiles in the kitchen, scratching and clawing at secondhand furniture. Mewing and Whimpering, pooping and peeing, fanatical vet visits late at night for bumped heads and suspicious limps. Last night I played with a precious and felt euphoric. Kittens are my crack.

I'm feeling a lot better, it's amazing what endless cups of tea and a few rounds of this can do:



I think the toilet is blocked. Now what the fuck am I going to do about that?

"Don't Make Daddy Wait Too Long..."

I'm sick, it sucks. Actually, everyone in the house is sick. All my energy is devoted to laying in bed, eating shortbread and watching Blood In Blood Out, which is obviously the best movie ever.

This picture is old but I haven't posted it here before. My brain is too full of foul mucus to make IFM screen caps as I originally intended for this entry.



If anyone knows where I can find a copy of the Blood In Blood Out script they should let me know. That shit is ripe with classic quotes.

Blarney Stone Blues

A few days ago one of the housemates asked me how I manage to come up with so much to say in my blog and I told them that crap talkin' was beautiful gift. Unfortunately today I have no crap to talk. I would like someone to make me breakfast, paint my toe nails and brush my hair. Please.

Here's what's going on over at www.ifeelmyself.com this week:


View Trailer

Hot girls inspired me to create my new blog OMG... So Sexy. Go check it out, I think you'll enjoy it.

Forbidden Pleasures Of Victoria Street

I'm a touch tipsy. The feeling of being full of Vietnamese food has passed and has been replaced with a feeling of friskiness.

Ok, I lie.... I'm not frisky, I'm downright horny. I could go a round of this kinda behavior for sure:









Damn. Where's Eva when I need her? Or any of the GodsGirls for that matter?

I foresee masturbation followed by a slight hangover in my immediate future. Speaking of masturbation, here's a friendly reminder as to where you can watch me do it: www.ifeelmyself.com. Click the banner below to receive a 10% discount on your membership and access to endless hours of beautiful & authentic orgasms by real Aussie girls. Go ahead, consider it a gift to yourself....




Must go consume water.

Marital Bliss Prior To Daybreak

If you read my blog regularly you'll know that Chelsea is my soul mate and my wife. She is the only reason I'd ever answer the phone at 5:40 in the morning.... hence why I am awake before the sun is even close to rising. I've got to admit I was relieved when she called, I was lucidly dreaming about the past and it seemed to be repeating itself over and over. I think she's going to lure me back with promises of $2.50 whiskey and a charmed life in New Orleans.

Here are some pictures of Chelsea and Melanie from GodsGirls:





If you love my wife as much as I do you can see the whole set over at www.godsgirls.com.

I had the whole house to myself last night. I cooked eggplant parmigiana and banana muffins with one of the housemates before he left for the weekend and then found myself completely alone. I was at a loss as to what I should do with such rare and precious time so took the most sensible course of action; posting on the ifeelmyself.com forums and very loud masturbation.

If you like talking about sex and the act of self-love you should probably get into IFM too. Not only are there tones of videos featuring yours truly there are also countless other girls doing what they do best. Real girls having real orgasms.... perfect.

Blame It On The Boogie?

Oh MJ! I couldn't believe it when I sat down to indulge in my morning ritual of toast, tea and TV. The King Of Pop dead? I'll admit I never imagined you as a old man but that was probably because I thought you were into oxygen tents and vitamins and shit like that. I assumed a spaceship would take you away to Never Ever Land on your 60th birthday, I never thought you'd die.
You were controversial my friend, but you helped create some of the best memories I have. My flamboyant older brother and I watching the extended version of "Thriller" on VHS, covering our eyes with fear when you turned into a werewolf, learning the moves to the zombie dance. Drinking Passion Pop and busting out a passionate rendition of "Blame It On The Boogie" at karaoke. And who didn't have to learn the words to "Heal The World" for their end of year concert?

Damn.